I'm not so great at keeping my inner self calm faced with the anger of others towards me. It is not my fault what others choose to do, yet I CAN choose how I respond to angry words; yet it is a flaw in my character to blame myself for problems. Problems I did not cause even.
How do I change this? Love myself. Believe in myself and my potential, infinitely larger in scope than I can understand.
I am beautiful. I am not stupid. I AM different. I am an individual.
How do I say this?
Angry Words are rarely useful. They are base, dishonorable, and so I want to learn to control my anger. Respond to anger with something else...something that keeps me calm.
Others say I should respond with love. While love can be a verb, it is also a gift. Love is something gained, and I have trouble loving on my own.
So what do I use? I need calm, and yet love I can access only sporadically. Is this to allow me growth, to see how I'll respond? I suspect this, but I am unsure sometimes of what I am supposed to be.
I feel lost many times.
Lost in the need for money, lost in the need for an education....
Where, when, do I find control?
I need to find my needs met. I need to meet my needs.
If there was a word for "and I sighed here", this would be the place to insert it.
I will try. I will continue on.
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